Being Hmong you have to shake EVERYONES hand. From personal experience, Hmong people have some of the worst handshakes ever. You would think the culture would have mastered this technique by now.

Unfortunately, first impressions are lasting impressions, and quite a bitch if i don’t say so myself. It only takes a couple seconds for another person to evaluate and square you up. That is why the handshake is so important. Your handshake defines who you are.

I am involved with the military and do a lot of advocacy with non-profits. I have shaken hands with the average Joe, to politicians, high ranking officers, and even entrepreneurs and millionaires. So i have had my fair share of handshakes. Are you a “Limp Fish” or are you “Confident”. Unfortunately I encounter more of the “Limp Fish” when meeting Hmong people.

There are three keys to a successful handshake:

1. How you do it
2. When you do it
3. Where to do it

Continue reading this article at HmongMen.com

What happened in 2011 and what stood out most for you? 18XEEM looks back on a year of loss, triumphs and most discussed stories of 2011! Tell us what you think in the comments area below, or let us know what else should have made our Top 10.

1. Former leader General Vang Pao dies on January 6 and a statue is unveiled to commemorate his life on December 28. TIME magazine names Vang Pao one of the “TIME’s People Who Mattered in 2011“
2. Hmong National Conference resumes after a year on hiatus in St. Paul, MN on April 22
3. Brothers Abel Vang and Burlee Vang Win 2011 Motion Picture Academy Fellowship.
4. Thousands of Christian Hmong protestors demand religious freedom in Vietnam
5. Phagna Touby Lyfoung honored at Lao, Hmong and American Veteran Memorial on May 30 in Sheboygan, WI
6. Fresh Traditions holds successful fashion show for the fifth year in a row on October 7
7. Jerry Yang releases book “All In” in July
8. Non-Hmong singing contestant wins big at Hmong New Year in Fresno, CA
9. Community members rally at KDWB Studio on April 15 in response to racist remarks made on the radio show
10. All-star high school football players featured in Sports Illustrated’s November issue

By Mai Hlee Xiong, Editor-in-Chief, 18XEEM

Thank you for visiting 18XEEM.com. This article may come to some of you as a surprise.

You may have heard that in 2008 I was the victim of a cyber stalker who defamed me on the internet. After months of investigation, the Warren Police Department and the Macomb County Prosecutor determined through forensic evidence that the culprit behind this criminal activity is a man named Nhia Lee, who also goes by the name of “Tyler” or “Tong Chai”.

I have not taken steps to sue Mr. Lee or anyone in this matter. However, using my web knowledge I was able to help the Warren Police in their investigation to determine that Mr. Lee was hiding behind a computer, anonymously cyber stalking and harassing me. I have asked law enforcement to ensure that he be prosecuted and, if found guilty (UPDATE: On April 9, 2010 Nhia Lee was found guilty and is now a convicted felon), that he be punished to the fullest extent of the law for his actions. Nhia Lee is charged with one count of a two-year felony by the state of Michigan, in Macomb County, the cybercrime of “Unlawful Posting of a Message” case no 09-. Mr. Lee has publicly admitted to committing the malicious acts that constitute this crime. As of March, 2, 2009, he is released on bail for $15,000. He currently resides in Shelby Township, Michigan.

Nhia Lee has alleged that he was a beauty pageant “organizer” who was trying to do a good deed by posting on the internet a video compilation that included images of a video of a nude woman that he alleged was me, Mai Hlee Xiong. As a former Miss Lao Hmong – Wisconsin (2004-2005) [click here to read an article that I wrote for 18XEEM about my pageant experiences], such an allegation and widespread dissemination of derogatory material about me is very hurtful. Yet I have had no contact from any pageant officials, organizations, or individuals asking me or demanding that I be stripped of my crown, title, or prize. Nor have I accused any community group, organization or individual other than Mr. Lee of instigating and defaming me.

Nhia Lee has never been an “organizer” of any beauty pageant. He was once a male pageant contestant [where he actually got 2nd place and threatened to sue the judges for not making him the winner!], as well as an emcee in the singing competition portion of the Hmong Michigan New Year 2007. His sister, Nee Lee, won the crown of Miss Hmong Michigan pageant 2007 (I was the runner-up that year). In fact, Mr. Lee was heavily involved in promoting his sister’s participation in the pageant.

After the pageant ended, Mr. Lee began to cyber stalk me on different media channels including MySpace for several months prior to the actual criminal incident. He collected and took personal photos of me and information on my personal life and even posted video clips of me and other former pageant contestants performing in public venues on YouTube without our knowledge or permission. He then made immature comments about each of us and mocking our abilities. In addition, Mr. Lee anonymously created a false profile in order to become my MySpace friend, using a fake name and photo of someone named “Jeffrey”. He also used my own photos and profile information to create a false profile of me. He pretended to be me and messaged my real friends in inappropriate ways and requested to be friends with strangers as if he were me. I have logs and logs of consecutive days where he visited my MySpace page and my website, HleeX.com, daily, during normal and odd hours like 2, 3 in the morning (if you are visiting this website, you should know that your information has been logged and documented as well).

Since this terrible incident, I have received numerous Google searches such as “pornstar Hlee Xiong”, “Hlee XXXiong”. I am telling you personally now, that is not the person that I am. I do not portray myself as such, and this is an insult to my family and to me. I have retained numerous documents showing page views and hits coming from Mr. Lee’s home IP address in Shelby Township, and his specific MySpace ID to prove that it was him who was cyber stalking me and sending out harassing and malicious emails to me and others.

Mr. Lee used photos that he lifted from my MySpace page and hand crafted a slideshow compilation of me and my family to create a false impression and defame my reputation. He created a YouTube account “TheHmongTruth” and uploaded the slideshow with an accompanying song called “Apologize” by Timbaland and One Republic, suggesting in the chorus that it was “too late to apologize”. Mr. Lee then used an anonymous email account that he specifically created for the purpose of widespread posting of the defamatory material under the name “thehmongtruth@yahoo.com”. He sent the material to multiple recipients who were close family, friends, and colleagues of me, including messages such as “Quit being a fake a$$ whore!” “pictahs” “uh oh….Wat ur excuse be now?” A friend of mine told this anonymous person to stop and reveal his true identity. Mr. Lee responded: “U is prolly a SlUt h3o like yo frend Mizz XXXiong! She aint no innocenT no mo huh? lol!”

Mr. Lee’s false and defamatory emails and postings were sent far and wide, to close family and friends of mine, to a pageant official, to dozens of Michigan State University students (where he attended school), as well as to several mailing lists that contain many more addresses. Finally, the material was then distributed virally on numerous discussion boards and online blogs by some recipients.

These materials were posted and sent throughout the same time my mother was still recovering from brain surgery at the hospital. During this time, my family and I were still grieving for my mother’s life while she fought to survive the effects of two aneurysms. And with Nhia Lee’s visual image and noise embedded in my mind, forever instilled in me, it made my life a living hell. I will never forget the chilling feeling that crossed my mind over this for as long as I live. I was frozen but shaken all at the same time. This experience is forever embedded into my mind and has caused me intense emotional upset.

I live my life by a moral standard, and that is to treat others the way you would expect them to treat you. I live my life to serve others and make others happy while putting my own happiness last. I am content, knowing that I can bring happiness to others. My success is my family’s success, and my success is shared in my community. Never have I had cruel intentions towards others. I am, the ‘girl with the smile, who always goes the extra mile’. I like to believe that there are good people in this world who strive to do good things. I used to believe that doing good things will yield good returns. And so I tried to do good things in my life for others. But now, I often wonder why bad things happen to good people?

A beloved uncle of mine once told me: “Use your intelligence to do good things in this world, not to do bad things to harm others”. And a famous Hmong saying goes, if Hmong do not love Hmong, who will love the Hmong? When I found out the truth from the Warren Police that it was a fellow Hmong American Nhia Lee who harassed and cyber-stalked me for months under the alias “TheHmongTruth” I was deeply hurt knowing that this cruel person came from my own community. I was always taught that we should stand together, support each other, and love each other, because ‘we are like one family’ and we stem from the same tree. There is no good reason why Nhia Lee would do what he did to me. I have never given him any reason to treat me in a hostile manner. There are no words to describe all the feelings that I have internally. Nhia Lee violated and invaded my privacy. He harmed the only family I have. My community has suffered greatly and felt betrayed by Nhia Lee and his family’s senseless acts and animosity.

Before I went to the police I asked Nhia Lee directly if he did it. I was willing to accept an apology if he would cease doing it. But he denied it, belittled me for it, and recruited his family in perpetrating his lie. Now that he has admitted to be the perpetrator behind TheHmongTruth@yahoo.com it is clear that he has brought the same onto his family and community.

As the victim of an awful cyber stalking crime, I have decided to come forward from here on out to let people know that they do not have to suffer cyber stalking silently and can fight back against online defamation by cowards who hide behind false identities on the internet. Companies like LifeLock help with deterring identity theft and the consequences that come with it. Because of the terrible experience that I went through and am still going through today, I have set up a resource website to help create awareness of the crime, and to provide a forum for people who use social networks such as Facebook, MySpace and YouTube to assist them in preventing cyber stalking.

So please visit WWW.QUITSTALKINGME.COM to find out more.

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On December 26th, 2002, Chau Vue and her family were attending the opening day of Fresno’s Hmong New Year festivities. Just outside the gate of the Fresno Fairgrounds, a Hmong gang member in his early twenties joined an argument with other gangsters that culminated in a thrown car club and soda can. Returning from his vehicle with a handgun, he opened fire on his rivals and innocent bystanders, and then fled with his accomplices. Four people were wounded, including Chau Vue, 89 at the time, and her 8-year-old great granddaughter. After a few days, the child and 2 other victims were released from their respective hospitals. Chau, hit in the abdomen, fared worse. The bullet had struck several of her major organs, and even her doctors felt little hope for a woman of her age that had undergone two previous surgeries that same year. With no shortage of family members at her bedside, Chau spent two months in ICU, and miraculously recuperated. The gunman was eventually caught and sentenced to 49 years in prison. At his sentencing, he feigned remorse to his English-speaking judge and jury. Using a Hmong prayer, the gangster invoked his ancestors to cause pain to those who witnessed against him. The families of the victims and those threatened, felt rage at the young man for his crimes and his arrogance. However, Chau felt sadness. When asked by a reporter for what she thought would be justice for the shooter, she humbly expressed that she was an old woman, near the end of her life. She saw a young man, just at the beginning of his, which must spend his most fruitful days in jail instead of enjoying an adulthood of love and family. Chau pitied him for the one mistake that will bring him endless suffering. Her wisdom in forgiveness taught her family the true futility of hurtful feelings like revenge

Story and Photos by Robert Kurtz

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Admission prices? Loud music blaring from all directions? Food? Organization? Multiple New Years celebrations? What’s your pet peeve about Hmong New Year? If you had a chance to change something about the event, what would it be? The Hmong New Year is celebrated at different times of the year throughout the world. In some cases, we believe it’s unfortunate because it creates a disconnect between people, but at the same time, we feel that it was inevitable, since Hmong have dispersed around the world and, over the years, have adapted traditional practices in different ways. It’s hard to find a designated date to celebrate the New Year; it’s even harder to get thousands of people together in one location. 18XEEM did an online survey to get a better understanding of how people felt towards the Hmong New Year festivals.

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Two tragic events involving Hmong hunters in Wisconsin have led to the life sentencing of one Hmong hunter (2004) and the death of another (2007). In the response to the surge of racism and tension, aggravated by the mainstream media, 18XEEM decided to break from the negative coverage of these tragedies and, instead, explore the intimate relationship Hmong people have with the sport of hunting. In this way, we hope that 18XEEM is able to shed light on the personal side of these unfortunate stories and offer a perspective that is too often overlooked.

Priceless Memories is a personal narrative about the experience of young Hmong American enthusiasts who hold the sport of hunting in the highest regard as a form of bonding between family, friends, and generations.

Subscribe today to read this entire story in the Feb 08 issue of 18XEEM.